Issue 22 • October 2018

How i know i’m going to be okay

Katie Reveno, Groton School

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In this life, i can

 

Lay my head down on someone else’s stomach

And laugh at the cotton candy clouds drifting by

 

Pound my feet against hard pavement

Until my bones splinter

 

Lay so still I might as well be dead

And listen to the music that is the buzzing inside my head

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Build up walls and tear them down

So that I am legible if only people would learn to read

 

Dream black ink on a white page up into a mirror

And smile at myself

 

Stop caring

Then start again

 

Sneak onto a spaceship and fly to the moon

Then squeeze a blue-green sphere between my thumb and pointer finger

 

Cut the ropes that bind other people to me

And close my eyes while they leave or stay

 

Look at the person sitting across from me

And realize that I understand them better than I understand myself

 

Jut my chin out and show off my tearstained face

Like a brand new rose colored dress or battle scar

 

Steal the third dimension and shove it into my mind

Then marvel at how flat everything seems

 

Be whole with other people

Or be whole by myself

 

Swim upstream to try to trap liquid memories with my hands

And grip them until my knuckles turn white

 

String words into fragmented snapshots of my second world

Before taking 1 step forward