Issue 22 • October 2018
Art & Lit
Sex is complicated.
It’s just a fact. Emotionally and biologically, sex is filled with nuances and complexities that continue to occupy researchers. And whether New England boarding schools like it or not, their students are having sex. We’re developing as sexual partners, trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. As sexual partners, we’re often told that reciprocation is the one of the most important parts of being “good in bed.” But what happens if your partner doesn’t want you to return the favor?
I like sex. But I only like performing sexual acts, not having them performed on me. It always leaves me in an awkward situation. How can I explain this to a partner who is so excited to reciprocate? I don’t want partners to take it personally, because it’s a me thing, not a them thing. (Insert “It’s not you, it’s me” joke)
It’s been an exercise in honesty. If I’m being honest, I feel deeply uncomfortable in any situation in which my partner wants to do more than kiss me. This can really confuse people, because it sounds really counter-intuitive. Who doesn’t want to have their partner pleasure them?
It’s something to think about as we move forward in our sexual experiences. Just because something makes logical sense to you, that doesn’t mean it will be what your partner wants. So, ask for consent every time.